I would have never expected to learn parenting lessons from a 1,400-pound animal, but here we are.
It turns out that raising calves and raising kids have a few things in common: both require more snacks than you think, both make a mess five minutes after you clean up, and both will test your patience in ways you didn’t know possible. Over the last 19 years, walking the fence lines between motherhood and farm life, I’ve realized that cattle have quietly shaped the way I parent, and not just because we’re all out here before sunrise.
Here are a few of the best lessons our herd has handed down.
1. Routine Is Everything
Cattle love routine. Feed them late, and they’ll let you know. Change their pen suddenly, and they’ll act like you’ve upended their entire worldview. Kids? Same thing.
Bedtime, mealtime, morning chores, these little rituals anchor our days. They help everyone feel safe, settled, and steady. Sure, we’ll still have the occasional late-night meltdown (two-legged or four-legged), but the rhythm matters more than perfection.
Miss a routine and you’ll hear about it, whether it moos or whines.
2. Gentle Pressure, Consistently Applied
This is an old cattle-handling phrase that lives rent-free in my head: gentle pressure, consistently applied.
It means you don’t shove a steer into the trailer; you guide him, calmly and firmly, until he walks in on his own. Turns out, this works on toddlers too.
When you hold a steady boundary, without yelling or yanking, they get there. Eventually. It might take some redirection (and a snack), but the steady presence always works better than the chaos. Parenting and farming both reward the long game.
3. Don’t Expect What You Haven’t Taught
A calf won’t just know how to walk on a halter, or step onto the scale, or follow your lead. You have to show them. Again and again.
The same goes for kids. We can’t expect them to just “know better” if we haven’t walked alongside them first. Manners, work ethic, how to treat animals, how to treat people, it’s all learned. And they’re always watching, even when we think they aren’t.
Assuming they know better is a fast way to frustrate everyone, especially yourself.
4. Each One’s a Little Different
Even if they’re raised in the same pasture, with the same feed and the same fence, every animal’s got their own personality. Some are bold and bossy. Some hang back. Some are gentle enough to halter break at four weeks; others never quite lose that kick.
Kids are no different. What works for one doesn’t always work for the next. One needs a quiet talk, the other needs to run laps around the house in rubber boots before they can listen to anything you say. That’s okay. That’s the gig.
There’s no one-size-fits-all, for boots or for boundaries.
5. Feed Often, Love Always
You can’t expect anything good to grow, on the farm or in a family, if it isn’t nourished. Cattle need consistent feed and water, yes, but they also need calm handling, clean bedding, and someone paying attention to how they’re doing.
Kids too. They need fuel for their bodies and their hearts. They need snacks, sure, but they also need your presence, your eyes on them, your arms open, your yes and your no.
You can’t shortcut connection. Not in a barn. Not at the dinner table.
Final Thoughts: Cattle, Kids, and the Long Game
Raising good calves and raising good kids takes time. It takes showing up when you’re tired, cleaning up after things that didn’t go to plan, and celebrating the little victories like when no one escaped the gate or when everyone made it to school on time with clean jeans (or close enough).
It’s funny the places you pick up parenting wisdom, sometimes it’s a podcast, sometimes it’s a pasture.
Either way, I’m grateful for both.
